Dear Everybody
Have you ever been confused? Meaning completely confused so there's no more room to be confused in?

That's where I am now.

See If asked most of you computer people where your clavicle and sturnum is and asked you to touch at the same time with one hand the two and if you could do that without looking it up or asking someone what your clavicle was or is or going to your computer to find out and you stated swearing or wondering why things cannot be made very very simple you just might know how I feel.

I know my computer is a laptop. I know it uses a thing called "Vista" whatever the Dickens that is.

It's got Ram and "SD" at that! Whatever that means. It's quite fast too apparently as it "brand spanking new" but it is already out of date even though I've had it not five minutes I mean how daft. Do you know what "Brand Spanking" means? It means good apparently.

I could go on and on. If you wanted to know where I keep any spare spark plugs if you know what they are even or my spare triacas, diacs, SCR's, diodes and dare I say it sandwich transistors without me telling you you'd be in the swamp well maybe a particular kind of swamp but a swamp never-the-less.

I just want to be fully connected to the Lime Wire network so I can just simply download some music for my own personal consumption.

No no personal consumption is not another name for TB or Turberculosis I mean getting the music on my hard disk (not my spine) so I can 'burn' not 'cut' a Music CD or DVD to play in my car if I want to.

See to me an egg is one of those things that comes from a Hen and that is a kind of bird it isn't an account you can put money in at a bank.

It all sounds like a chicken and egg story doesn't it? But BTB and BTW, IMVVHO if anyone says which came first I've got the answer to for you, Chickens had to come first, Eggs (the ones with shells on) don't and never have ever laid Chickens.

Now ther's a kind of sense in Chickens coming first ain't there?

There is also sense in giving a bloody map to someone if they are going somewhere they've never ever been before.

I need a map. Maybe I need to be taught how to read that map too - maybe. It reminds me why we have washing machines with 40 programmes when we only need one or maybe two - maybe.

Does someone get my 'drift' where I'm heading with this damnable diatribe?

If so and you think just maybe you can help me, in very simple plain English if you please, my e-mail address is *email address removed*

Maybe just maybe a miracle will happen because these days I need a whole bunch of them.

mrwonderful
PS I couldn't find a link to where the introductions area is. Why wasn't there a link right next door to where that message is for Heaven's sake?

Why isn't there a link when we first switch our computers on which maybe automatically tells us what all you people well some of you then want to know.

How about this for an idea, why can't we in this age of voice recognition can't we have a nice blonde nice boobs nice curves telling us in a sexy voice all the things an engineer wants to know just so I can download some music to my hard disk?

In case someone has a bad attack of the politically correct nonsense disease, I suppose, however blonde she is if you can't see her TELLING you I suppose it doesn't matter what she looks like but in my imagination she's always blonde, blue eyed, nice big boobs, nice curves and talks very nicely to me - and you?!

If I've got almost everything wrong then, HELP!

Some simple, simple, simple instructions please!

mrwonderful
There is a reason for the name...
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Edited to comply with the House Rules.
Do not divulge anyone's personal information in the forum, not even your own.