Maximum massahe lenght s 25000 caracters I had to post in 2 parts .
<hr>
Eleven reasons a cucumber is better than a man:
(1) Cucumbers can stay up all night, and you won't have to sleep in
the wet spot.
(2) Cucumbers don't play the guitar and try to find themselves.
(3) You won't find out later that your cucumber (a) is married, (b) is on
penicillin, (c) likes you -- but loves your brother!
(4) A cucumber won't care what time of the month it is.
(5) A cucumber never wants to get it on when your nails are wet.
(6) Cucumbers don't say "Let's keep trying until we have a boy".
(7) Cucumbers won't tell you size doesn't count.
(8) A cucumber won't leave you for a cheerleader or an ex-nun.
(9) Cucumbers don't fall asleep on your chest or drool on the pillow.
(10) Cucumbers don't care if you make more money than they do.
(11) With a cucumber, the toilet seat is always the way you left it.
<hr>
A group of scientists discovered an apelike creature in the wilds which
they were certain was the Missing Link. The proof of their theory, though,
required that a human mate with the ape in order to see what
characteristics the progeny would take on. So they put an ad in the paper.
`$5000 to Mate with Ape.'
The next morning a Pole called up in response to the ad and said
he'd be willing to be part of the experiment. `But,' he said, `I have
three conditions.'
The scientists agreed to hear him out.
`First - My wife must never know.'
Second - The children must be raised as Catholics.'
`Third - If I can pay in installments, I'm definitely interested.'
-
A blind man and his friend were walking along with the blind man's dog,
when the dog simply raised its leg and ****ed on the blind man's shoe. To
his friends astonishment, the man reached over and proceeded to stroke the
dog's back.
`What the hell are you patting him for?' exclaimed his friend.
`The dog just ****ed on you!'
`I gotta find out where his head is,' said the blind man testily,
`so I can kick his ***.'
-
To be written on a WC wall:
"Now I sit here brokenhearted, I came to **** but I only farted."
-
Q: What's stiff and excites women?
A: Elvis Presley.
-
Festivity Level 1: Your guests are chatting amiably with each
other, admiring your Christmas-tree ornaments, singing carols around
the upright piano, sipping at their drinks and nibbling hors
d'oeuvres.
Festivity Level 2: Your guests are talking loudly -- sometimes
to each other, and sometimes to nobody at all, rearranging your
Christmas-tree ornaments, singing "I Gotta Be Me" around the upright
piano, gulping their drinks and wolfing down hors d'oeuvres.
Festivity Level 3: Your guests are arguing violently with
inanimate objects, singing "I can't get no satisfaction," gulping down
other peoples' drinks, wolfing down Christmas tree ornaments and
placing hors d'oeuvres in the upright piano to see what happens when
the little hammers strike.
Festivity Level 4: Your guests, hors d'oeuvres smeared all over
their naked bodies are performing a ritual dance around the burning
Christmas tree. The piano is missing.

You want to keep your party somewhere around level 3, unless
you rent your home and own Firearms, in which case you can go to level
4. The best way to get to level 3 is egg-nog.
-
Has everyone noticed that all the letters of the word "database" are
typed with the left hand? Now the layout of the QWERTYUIOP typewriter
keyboard was designed, among other things, to facilitate the even use
of both hands. It follows, therefore, that writing about databases is
not only unnatural, but a lot harder than it appears.
-
When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my
age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six
I'll be sixty-four.
-
What's the difference between IBM and Jurassic Park?
One is a fantasy theme park populated with dinosaurs, and the other is a
movie.
-
What has four legs and an arm?
A happy pit bull.